Page 38 - Voices-2021-05

QUARTER NOTE

All Eyes on Me? Really?

David Freedman, IP3

I was taught to be self conscious about my experience.

appearance from an early age, but not always In both cases of being self-conscious, you have
in positive ways. to deal with that yawning pit in your stomach that
Growing up as I did with an extremely rare keeps telling you, “What the heck do you think
neurological disorder called Moebius syndrome, you’re doing out here?” Or maybe it’s more along

people did look at me, but it was always tinged the lines of, “How do I deal with these people
with a number of different reactions. Curiosity, who are staring at me?” In neither instance is
perhaps, but more often than not there would this a comfortable feeling to deal with. Even after
be the pitiful glance, or those people who would nearly five decades of performing and longer

think that my bilateral facial paralysis amounted than that of living with a physical disability, that
to nothing more than a form of Downs syndrome feeling of self-consciousness never entirely goes
or Cerebral Palsy. I would be treated as such away. Sometimes the best I could hope to strive
by people who were ignorant to my condition. for was a balance of, okay, I will get through

Even if I tried (very patiently) to explain what I this day by ignoring some of the more negative
had and how it affected me, many times I’d deal aspects of my life while focusing on what positive
with outright ignorance or condescension from experiences occur throughout the course of the
them, especially in my younger years. Needless day. And sometimes that worked. More often

to say, these experiences did not translate well than not, though, there were days, weeks, or
into bolstering my self-confidence. months when it felt like I was undergoing the
On the opposite end of the spectrum was death of a thousand cuts where I couldn’t catch
my love of performing. From a very young a break from anyone because I was so focused

age to the present day, performing has always on how people reacted to my facial paralysis.
been in my blood. I simply love being on stage, It wasn’t really until my early forties when I
particularly as a singer, actor, and more recently realized what should have been obvious when
as a public speaker. Performing as a member I was younger, but I think it took that length of

of a choir or play emboldened me, but being time before my own wisdom could catch up
onstage as a soloist would terrify me for many to my physical age. Namely, I discovered that
years until I gained enough perspective to master really, it wasn’t always about me. How people
my fears and realize that nervousness on stage perceived me, whether positively or not, was

is a perfectly natural part of the performing not necessarily a reflection of who I was in that

38 ONE COMMUNITY