Page 30 - August 2019
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LOVE LETTERS
Leaders Love Resolving Conflict
Dottie Love, DTM
Have you ever been in a challenging few helpful tips and tools: Think of someone
conversation in which you wanted the other whose bad behavior you wish to change or
person to “Just get onboard with things!” This bad situation you wish to discuss. When you
occurs when people have differences they can’t contemplate trying to have this conversation
resolve. Yet, relationship tranquility comes about the issue, what do you feel? Anxious?
when you get to an understanding. But how, Fearful? Uncomfortable? And because of those
you ask? The key is being “respectful” during feelings, do you put off having that conversation?
the conversation. Many of us do. You can change that.
The person who can most accurately describe Fierce Conversations is chock full of ideas.
the reality of the situation without laying blame Three key steps that can get your conversation
will emerge as the leader. Interestingly enough, started on a positive path include:
most causes of conflict fall into four categories:
• Contentious Personalities Do a reality check
• Misunderstanding How do we figure out their reality without
• Issues putting the other person on the defensive? Well…
• Styles of Leadership you ASK in a non-combative way. You start by
All can be addressed in similar fashions which making a clarity statement like, “This is what the
starts with understanding why and where you situation looks like and feels to me. I truly want
differ in opinions. Susan Scott, author of Fierce to know your thoughts, particularly if they differ
Conversations, states the most important one from mine.” Once you get a response, you keep
on the list above is your style of leadership. It the conversation going in a non-threatening,
can either derail or drive results. Collaborative non-confrontational way by doing the next step.
conversations are excellent tools to have in your
leadership toolkit. The way to win at tough Remove defensive words
conversations is focus on the ‘reality’ and not But. . . No. . . However. . .are conversation killing
the emotion. words that should be struck from your everyday
Let’s examine what this looks like with a conversations. Try using And instead.
30 ONE COMMUNITY
