Page 32 - 2017 August Voices

Kill Them with . . . Love

by Kamili Talley

Toastmasters clubs are made up of members who share their life experiences
making meetings exciting, entertaining, and content rich. On the other hand,
there may be times when members clash over differences of opinion, unfulfilled
expectations, or personality differences which could lead to member flight
or reduced visitor conversions. In the following article, originally presented
at New Horizons Toastmasters on July 8th, Kamili Talley discusses five
personalty types and how to work wth each type. The tools provded are based
on the work of Fran Weinstock, PhD. [Editor]

At times, we’re not able to act out when world on their shoulders “and don’t know how
looking for retribution. And sometimes, to change it. So they complain about it instead.”
we’re too nice to allow ourselves to indulge in Killing them with love: It’s best not to agree nor
fantasizing about it. But that’s okay. The best disagree with them. Instead. lend a listening ear.
retribution can involve being kind to problem Occasionally, we can use humor to exaggerate a
people. . . aka, killing them with love. When situation we’ve encountered, and this can deliver
killing people with love, acting rationally using the point across in a genuine & friendly tone.
“slow” thinking, is the goal.
Fran Weinstock, a prominent psychologist
from Chicago, has identified five types of
problem people and why they might deserve I-Don’t Think So People
our retribution. Let’s review these types, who Characteristics: They’re not necessarily pessimists.
they are, and how we can kill them with love. 2
“They can be thoughtful & capable, but can also
be perfectionists who anticipate failure.” Killing
Angry People them with love: Reverse Psychology - We can point

out the downsides of a situation first, “then try
Characteristics: They have a habit of and get them to focus on solutions.”
using confrontation or passive aggression to
demand attention. They’re intolerant and
opinionated. Killing them with love: Instead of
antagonizing them, let’s kill them with kindness. Tomorrow People

Characteristics: Oh yes, they’re
Know It Alls procrastinators. They’re unwilling to make
decisions and “never say ‘No’ to anyone, which
Characteristics: They don’t like to listen often leads to broken promises.” Killing them with
to other peoples’ ideas. They seem to have love: Deadlines are essential. We can love them
an answer for everything, and “low tolerance by explicitly conveying what the consequences
for correction or contradiction.” BUT, at their are if deadlines are missed. (And remember to
core, they’re quite unsure of themselves. Killing increase our emotional intelligence game with
them with love: Don’t confront them directly. these people.)
Instead, we can use hypotheticals to describe If we find it challenging to remember the
our perspective. five types of problem people and each of the
different ways to kill them with love, then we

Depressed People must remember these two tips:
TIP #1

Characteristics: While they might not be FBDF (Forgive, But Don’t Forget) - Many
clinically depressed, they feel the weight of the Hollywood writers, including Tina Fey, have

32 VOLUME 4 ISSUE 1 JULY, 2017